I’m 39 years old. As I grow older, more of my loved ones are dying. This is life. Death is a part of life.

​I’ve lost a sister in 2003, an uncle in 2008, and a coach in 2018. They were tragic deaths. 

Now, I’ve lost a grandpa. His death was expected. He was mostly in the hospital since November 2025. He was going through many surgeries. His 93-year-old body couldn’t take it anymore.

I thought about going to his funeral. But I decided not to. Because I already have spent quality time with him.

I visited him for a week in the Philippines in 2024. I lived his lifestyle as well. I made a vlog about it. Now, I can rewatch it as much as I want. Also, I video called him right before his first of many surgeries last December. 

​I have no regrets about his death. I’m glad that he’s pain-free now. He’s already in my heart. 

I did cry when I started working the next day. I saw a grandson with his grandpa at my work. I was reminiscing.

It took me a while to accept the loss of my sister, uncle, and coach. Grandpa’s death was expected. He lived 93 strong years. 

I can’t avoid bonding with people. We need each other. We’re helping each other. 

I love you Papa. Rest in peace.

I’ve said enough here.

​Just watch the vlog with me and grandpa.

I was born and raised in California. 

As a kid, I was taught the "American Dream."

Be a college graduate. Get married. Start a family. Raise kids. Own a large home. Earn more than my parents' income. Work with one job at a company for a pension. Buy whatever you want.

The people for the "American Dream" would remind me. If I don't achieve this, something is wrong with me. That's society for you. 

I'm 38 years old. So far, I've achieved one of them. It's being a college graduate with a BS degree. I haven't pursued the degree though. I don't want to. 

I'm not married. I have a girlfriend. We've been together for 6 months. I'm not rushing into it. I let her know. She understands.

We have a few loved ones against us dating. It hurts. But haters are always gonna hate. We can't force people to change. It's up to them if they're willing to change.

My girlfriend and I are happy with each other. That's what matters.  

I don't have any kids. I always wanted to raise one. If I don't have any of them, I'm okay. They are expensive. It's a huge responsibility too.

​Once I have kids, I should be a great parent for them since my partner and I made them. Most of my time will be with them until they're in high school. We choose our time.

I don't own a house. I live rent-free with the parents. I can't afford a home. 

My parents' income is more than my income. I work at Costco. I'm the rotisserie chicken guy. I skew, cook, and bag the chicken. I've been working there since June 2024. I'm slowly getting a raise. More hours, more raise.

A friend told me that I can do better.

I can move up. But the pay is just a bit more. It's just the name and status. And I heard that the job will just be your life. You won't have time for anything else. Go with what works for you. It's a steady paycheck with benefits while I work on my side jobs in airport driving and junk removal. 

But I do wanna be a tennis coach. I was one at a tennis academy in Palo Alto for a year. My goal is to find at least one client. I'm working voice-over tennis reels right now. I'll upload them soon. I might get a lead from it. We shall see. Who knows?

I don't buy whatever I want. I'm not rich. I prefer buying what I really need. The discounted deals get me. I admit it. I'm human. I've gotten better.

​"It's on sale. But I don't need it. Just good to see. I save money, "I tell myself.

Most of my clothes are gifts. They're free. Thank you. We're helping each other. 

Hey Society. Say what you want. That's your voice. I understand. Thank you. I'll be me. Things change. Accept change. I'm happy where I'm at. This is my life. It's my "freedom of choice in how to live." 

A friend told me that I must move out of parents' house in order to date and grow.

​A relative told me, "You can start a family only if you go back to school. Study Physical Therapy. Graduate. Then you're set with life."

​Someone told me, "When are you gonna have your own place?"

People don't agree with me. My life isn't normal to them.

​I see the highlight of people's lives in social media. They're successful. I gotta keep the mind in check. People can post anything they want in social media.

For instance, a couple purchased a new house. They post it on Instagram. No one knows that a relative co-signed the home. The couple doesn't give them credit. Welcome to social media.

My revenue isn't enough if I ever start a family. I've followed my passion as a career before. I didn't enjoy it. Now I wanna chase money. I need the money now.

A friend told me that I need to find a middle ground between passion and money, or else your life would be miserable.

I see people with full time jobs. They have the steady paycheck. They always look forward when they're off. Because work is stress. They need a break from work. They would spend it on shopping, dining, or etc. It's a cycle.

I don't want that life. Go with what works for you. 

Society talks about "normal" for me.

Society wants a legacy from me.

Society pressures me.

I'm worried about my life. I want the best version of myself. We're gonna die. We'll be forgotten unless you are Jesus.

Society wants me to be successful without any help from others.

I was born from my parents. I didn't come to this world alone. I help them too. We help each other. 

Be your own normal. You become successful by the help of others.

A friend asked me, "What's your biggest fear in life?"

I responded, "My parents aren't gonna live forever. Am I able to survive without them?"

"I can work," I continued. "I do work. I'll be fine then."

Now I find my balance between passion and money.

I went to college. I was forced to study Civil Engineering. I couldn't pass Physics or Calculus. It wasn't my passion. I gave up on Civil Engineering.

As I was getting better at tennis, it became my passion. I went with the advice, "Follow your passion." I transferred to another college for the reason that I tried out for the tennis team. The college tennis coach didn't pick me.

I followed my passion. It didn't go anywhere. It was tough to swallow.

I finished college. I graduated with a Bachelors of Science degree in Environmental Studies with a concentration of Energy Management and Design. I didn't pursue it. It wasn't my passion.

I continued to pursue tennis. I decided to become a coach at a tennis academy. When it was rainy season, I would get lazy. It would lose my rhythm from coaching. I had to advertise myself in group lessons. If students loved me, they would go for my individual coaching lessons. That's where you would be earning more.

I was getting tired of the work and grind from coaching. I gave it a year. It wasn't my passion. I continued to "follow my passion."  

My younger self would keep following my passion. When things were hard, I would give up. Then I would find something that makes me happy. It has been a cycle. I've been moving around. 

In January I told a good friend, "I'm not the smartest. To this day, I'm still surprised that I graduated from college with a BS degree." He told me that I can be successful at anything in life since I'm a college graduate.

"I'm a jack of all trades. What I'm doing right now won't be enough if I start a family one day." I told him. "I'm gonna renew my real estate license. I'll be more focused on real estate and junking. I'll pay on ads for leads. I see it as long-term now."

"You gotta work harder and smarter now," he told me. "You're not young anymore."

A realtor friend told me that you gotta put in the work to be a successful realtor like how you've became a great basketball player.

Don't follow my passion. I need to stay and grow. Work on my craft. Give it time. More than 5 years will do.

In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell writes that you need 10,000 hours in order to be an expert. That's 40 hours a week in 5 years. 

When things get hard, I must be ready. That's how I'll get better. I did it with school for 25 years of my life. I've done it with tennis and basketball for the last 28 years of my life.  

Nothing else has been more than tennis, basketball, and school in my life other than my age. ​

The time is now.

Recently, I was close to death twice. I almost died a week ago from a burning truck. A month ago, I almost died from a bike accident. Yesterday I wrote a blog about my near death experiences.

I believe you're with me. You've saved me from my near death experiences. Thank you. You're in my heart everywhere I go. You've been watching me since 2003.

So far, you don't want me to die. I don't have any suicidal thoughts or intentions. That was only when I was mourning and grieving your loss. No need to worry.

​I shouldn't be afraid of death. For the reason that, you died from being stabbed multiple times. I didn't get to witness your death. You're brave.

I've come a long way to be where and who I am at. With your passing, you've made me become stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually. You already know. You're watching me.

You're not an auntie yet. I don't have a girlfriend right now. First I have to find a partner. I've been on dates. Something would happen. It’s the timing. Oh well. Respect the lady.

There'll be a time when I'm gone. I wonder if you and I will reunite. I think so. I hope so. I wanna hear from you. You've been listening to me for the last 20 years. I'll stop talking right now.

Happy belated birthday. I miss you. love you.


Much Love,
Your Brother

My friends pulled me up. Surprisingly I had a small cut on the palm of my left hand, and a small bump on the my left shin. Luckily I survived.

The bike dropped 100 feet below to the ground. I could've been down there.

My friend checked on the bike. It was dented. We left the bike down there. I walked the rest of the trail.

I almost died again on Monday, September 18. My dad fixed his cousin's truck. I test drove it.

​The truck started overheating on the freeway.

I turned on the heater all the way. The truck's engine wasn't cooling off. It was still overheating. Then I wasn't able to accelerate the truck. I pulled over to the right shoulder.

The truck started smoking from its hood. I saw the hood burning as well. I got out of the truck. From a distance, I saw fire on the truck. I called 911 right away.

The fire was getting worst. It was spreading. The fire burned the truck. 15 minutes later, firefighters arrived. They contained the fire.

I was saved again. My sister, uncle, and coach were with me again. They’re up there watching me.

Later that night, my cousin towed his truck to the junkyard. Most importantly, he was glad that I was alive.

A few months ago, my cousin and I did tow the same truck from Virginia to California. I uploaded a vlog about it as well.

I got lucky again. I can think about what I could've, would've, and should've done. I could've junked the mountain bike since my client didn't want it. We should've just left the truck in Virginia. More stress, more wrinkles. At the end of the day, I survived. That's what matters. So far I've got unlimited lives.

No one likes to talk about death. Remember we're not gonna live forever. Death is a part of life.

Eventually I'm gonna die. It’s not my time yet. I'll rest in peace later. ​

You see that I'm a risk taker and hard worker.

I continue to freelance and hustle. I own a business in junking and hauling. I keep and sell things from junking and hauling through FB Marketplace. I’m an airport driver on the side. Also I’m a server for cousin’s Filipino food truck. I’m a referral agent in real estate as well.

You see that I'm a social media influencer.

I play basketball. I film, edit, and upload it on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. I post my basketball highlights. If it ever grows, I would like to collaborate with The Professor. I've got nothing to lose though. Because I love playing basketball. 

You see that I'm a blogger. I get to open up. Blogging is my therapy. I haven't blogged as much as before. 

You see that I'm a YouTuber. I share stories, experiences, and interviews. My YouTube channel is my personal journal. 

You see how ambitious I am.

You see that I get along with almost anyone. I meet people. Then they just open up to me. I enjoy connecting with people.

You've witnessed a lot about me. You're observant. 

You didn’t shut me down (during this cancel culture) on our first date. You liked how I’m an open book. You decided to get to know me more.

​On our first date, I told you, “You need honesty, trust, respect, and communication for a healthy relationship.” You smiled with a nod.
​
You've always loved me for who I am more than anything else. My kindness, forgiveness, empathy, and compassion made you fall in love with me.

Thanks for giving me a chance with you.


Love,
Your Future Boyfriend

Rest in peace.

You died at 18 years old. I'm 36 now. 18 x 2 = 36.

This marks the 20th anniversary of your death as well.

20 x 2 = 40. I'm close to 40 years old.

​Time flies.

Hey sister. I miss you. I love you. You're still here in my heart.