On November 4, my tennis and basketball coach was reported dead at his house.
Many people reached out to me. They felt guilty for not saying "goodbye" to him. "I did not say 'goodbye' to him as well. I was able to come at peace with him from a 3-year grudge," I told them. Also, I lost my sister unexpectedly, tragically. "You build relationships every time you encounter people. Life is constantly changing. People come, and go. When you travel, you say goodbye. If you can embrace goodbye, you can become more grateful for the next time you say hello," my good friend told me. Last Monday night, I had a meaningful and powerful dream. My sister was in it.
(The day before this dream, I painted her closet. Also, I decluttered her room. A few days before she died, she did tell me, "When I am gone, you can take care of my stuff.) I am not a politician. I am not forcing you to change. It is tough to change. It took me a while.
To this day, I am trying to change (and learn.) It takes me a while. When I was younger, I used to hate reading and writing. Now, I enjoy it. (I started on this blog, since a year ago or so.) I used to be afraid in talking to anybody, especially women. Now, I can talk to almost anybody. (During my solo travel in China, I bonded with a 50-year-old man from Belgium, and a 67-year-old woman from the UK). Heck, my sister died in 2003. I had no idea that I was gonna progress. People can change. For those of you, who do not know already, my sister was gone in 2003. I already have written many blog entries about my sister. (Find my search box, and type "sister" on it.)
15 years has already passed. I visited family from the Philippines on June 1 - 30.
(MOM's side - San Carlos City, Pangasinan. DAD's side - Milaor, Bicol) I also went to Naga City, Baguio, Quezon City, and Angeles City. I mostly stayed with family. First and foremost, I saved a lot of money in lodging. I learned a lot. No whining, no complaining. Just living the lifestyle. I have many stories to talk about. It is impossible to cover all of them. I will try to make each story short. (In no particular order whatsoever. Lewis Howes talks about "identity" in his book, The Mask of Masculinity.
One identity, one image forever. Bad identity, bad image forever. We stay away from them. Stories written below are about my family and friends. My uncle tragically killed my sister. Everybody ignored him. (Identity is killer.) Possibly, his life was taken over from loneliness. Unconditional love is powerful. (No support, no life.) A drug addict has taken meth his whole life. His family have left him, except his loving son. (Identity is drug addict.) Most importantly, he has been clean from drugs, since 2016. 2 years ago, I was lonely. Social media took over me. It was close to Christmas. I saw happy social media posts with their loved ones. I am a single, lonely guy. I was depressed. (Last time was when my sister passed away on May 17, 2003.)
I realized that social media is usually the highlight reel of people's lives. I was lonely. Well, this is nothing compared to the story about loneliness. Go on, and read. I will tell you a true story about loneliness. I used to care about receiving "likes" on my Facebook and Instagram. (Perhaps, I have written a previous blog post similar to this. Oh, well. Social media is almost everywhere. I gotta talk about it.)
The more I care about "likes," the more I am confident about myself. (That was me before.) I had the super hunger to post something online. Now, I try to be my true-self. Currently, I am in China. I have taken many pictures over here. I am documenting my travel life on my Instagram. I am showing off to you my travel life. I admit it. I do not mainly focus about gaining followers or receiving likes anymore. I focus on you showing my life (almost like this blog). Pictures taken from Virginia back in 1992. My family did not take much pictures. This is all I can find of you in the photo albums. Sorry, Uncle. 1st picture is Grandpa Sator (My dad's uncle from his mom's side), me, my sister, and Uncle Romelo. 2nd picture is Grandpa Sator, my dad, me, and Uncle Romelo. For readers, Uncle Romelo is my dad's youngest brother. Dear Uncle Romelo,
My parents and I only celebrate Christmas by attending mass together, ever since my sister passed away in 2003. (No picture shown of us. My parents dislike taking a picture of 3 people as mere superstition.) During this year's Christmas Eve mass, I calmly listened to the homily given by the priest. "A little girl gave a present (gift) to her father," the priest said. "The father opened the gift. Surprisingly, it was empty. The little girl told her father that I blew many kisses into it. This is all for you, Daddy." Christmas is not all about "presents." Instead, it is more about your "presence." After Christmas Eve mass, I spent time with my good friend and his family. On Christmas Day, I came back to visit him and his family. Picture shown of me and a few of his family members. Later in the afternoon, I picked up (another) good friend's father along with his wife to a hotel in San Francisco. (They celebrated his birthday, and their Christmas at SF.) We ate dinner at his house. Video shown below. Again, I have come to realize that it is our "presence" in the moment, not exchanging "presents."
My dad once told me about my bonding relationship with my two good friends, and especially their families, "Son, you are a good man. You have people who care about you. I did not have this." I answered, "You joined the US military to start a new life at 18 years old. You escaped from a poor life in the Philippines. If it weren't for you and mom, I would not have been here." The past is remembered. Most importantly, enjoy your "presence" with others, not "presents" (unless you want to). Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays. |
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