This COVID-19 pandemic crisis scares and worries me. Health experts and professionals don't have any answers for it yet. They continue to study, learn, and understand the coronavirus. Guns, bombs, or any other weapon can't kill the coronavirus. A vaccine for it hasn't been found yet. (That'll take about 12-18 months for it. We'll be lucky if a vaccine is found anytime sooner.)
We never came prepared for it. The coronavirus continues to get worst before it gets any better. Bill Gates knew it all along since 2015. (I only watched his video about a month ago.) It's a wakeup call for us. We should be ready for the next virus.
I'm back to blogging. I need it during this difficult time. It's my therapy.
I've never seen anything like this coronavirus before other than movies about disease outbreaks. Science is real. MERS, H1N1, SARS, and swine flu have happened throughout my life. But they didn't affect me.
People continue to die and suffer from coronavirus every day.
What you do today can affect or impact the world. This is life and death.
Scapegoating others won't go anywhere. It wastes time and energy. Scapegoating adds stress, and fuels negativity. It drains my mental and emotional health.
The coronavirus aims for any of us Homo sapiens. No one is immune by it. You can still get the coronavirus without experiencing any symptoms at all. It won't affect you. But you will spread COVID-19 to others as the carrier.
The more we discriminate, the more the COVID-19 continues to kill us.
Blaming others is the easiest to do.
I can't force or control anyone to change. Go with what you want. It's your choice. It's your life. It's up to you. I used to say this.
What can I say now?
Look what's going on in the world. It takes a toll on us. Some people listen to health experts and professionals. Others don't care. They continue to have fun, and don't take any precautionary measures for COVID-19.
This coronavirus continues to kill us in many aspects of our health: Economical, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. This is serious.
Understand COVID-19, or else it continues to defeat us.
What happens if your loved ones suffer and die from COVID-19? Who are you more focused on? You or us? What matters to you?
My friend was always hearing smart people, like Tim Ferriss, share their concerns about it on social media. Something's up. You must take action.
I took this virus seriously when I might have been exposed or infected from it on March 7 during pickup basketball. I was a bit fatigued at times. It's gone now. I'm better now. I'm lucky. Then WHO declared coronavirus a pandemic on March 11.
I use my time to dig deeper in helping others during this 24/7 chaos.
I continue to be a voice about COVID-19 on social media. I have shared legitimate sources, such as CDC and WHO, and celebrities spreading awareness about it on their social media, like Stephen Curry doing a Q&A with Dr Tony Fauci.
I slowed down from being a voice on social media for now. I have nothing to say. This pandemic crisis continues to get worst.
Fear is normal. I fear for my family, friends, relatives, loved ones, and the world with this COVID-19 pandemic crisis. People who I know haven't been infected or exposed from COVID-19 (so far or as I know of).
I've reached out to my 42-year-old friend from Belgium. I met him in Shanghai at a hostel in 2018. We have a special bond together. He's a big brother to me. I haven't heard from him yet.
I fear for myself too.
I'm not able to move forward in my career. (Everyone's struggling too. It's not always about me.)
My junk and haul business is on hold. I passed my real estate exam on February 19. I'm licensed as a real estate agent. But it's not official yet since the Department of Real Estate is closed for now due to this crisis.
I can't directly pitch to people through my contacts if they need help selling, buying, or investing in a home. (I did reach out to a few people from my contacts a few weeks ago. I realized I was being selfish during this difficult time. I stopped.)
I have reconnected with a few people through my contacts. I continue to do so.
Panic is bad. The more I panic, the more I won't be able to be mindful.
"When we are not mindful, we speak without thinking. We allow our emotions to get out of control. We are worrying about the future or regretting the past," Melissa Heisler writes in her article, What Does it Mean to be Mindful? "We feel the victim of circumstances, events, and others. Without mindfulness, we are a two-year-old child. We cry when our needs are not met. We don't understand cause and effect. We expect others to take care of us. We can't see past obstacles. We are powerless and overly emotional."
I continue to help others during this rough time.
My friend missed performing and singing in front of people. I gave her a suggestion to start an online stream concert using Instagram Live. She was excited to do it. She's doing what she loves, and she's helping people to stay home.
Another friend is a nurse. She shared a petition to me about nurses needing more proper staffing, and personal protection equipment (PPE) for their safety in caring COVID-19 patients.
I signed the petition, and shared it on my social media.
Medical workers are in the front lines. (Same goes to grocery store clerks, truck drivers, restaurant workers, neighbors, warehouse workers, farmers, janitors, garbage workers, and other sanitation workers, and anyone who has provided essential needs/services for us.) They need special care and treatment. Because they are more prone, and at risk to get COVID-19 from their patients.
Less hospital beds, more patients. The medical workers must choose who lives and who dies. This is life and death.
If medical workers suffer and die, who will take care of the COVID-19 patients, and patients suffering from other illnesses?
I'm helping a friend sell his car through FaceBook Marketplace.
My mom wrote her grocery list. I bought her goods on Costco's website. An hour later, they were delivered. Buying online saves time and energy. It's safe and convenient too. It's a good cause for helping delivery drivers. (I delivered essential needs to my uncle and friend a week ago. I choose to buy online now.)
Last Friday, I welcomed anyone to join me on Instagram Live. Connecting with each other is key during this crisis. I would like to hear from others. Loneliness kills.
I can't do anything else right now but stay home for you. It's for the best to contain the virus, and save lives.
I lost a sister, uncle, coach, and my favorite basketball player growing up. Then this COVID-19 happens. It's different. It's strange. It's not a human. It's an invisible enemy killing people.
Throughout my life, losing my sister was the closest for me to death. This was death to me.
My life was on complete pause. I wasn't able to move forward.
When she was gone, I've experienced the five stages of grief from Elizabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
I couldn't believe her tragic loss. I was mad at myself for not being there when my sister died. I should've been there to trade my life for her. I was depressed to the point I wasn't able to eat, sleep, or function at all. It took me a long time to accept her loss.
I chose not to talk to anyone when my sister passed away. I was embarrassed. I assumed I would get bullied from others. I had severe anxiety. I was only comfortable being alone and silent at the time.
I'm surprised I was able to live and grow to this day.
I was talking to a friend through video call using Zoom a few days ago. I thought I was close to being depressed. I realized I'm doing okay. My friend saw I was nervous. He suggested me to come back from blogging, or start journaling.
During this quarantine life, I'm still able to function, such as eat 3-4 full meals a day, sleep 8 hours every night, lift weights 4-5 days a week, meditate for 15 minutes before I sleep, and connect with people.
I miss on what I can't do. I miss going to the gym, playing basketball and tennis, hitting the sauna, and exploring local breweries. It's in my head. But I remind myself every time. Medical workers in Italy, Spain, France, New York, and other hot spots are suffering more than me. It keeps me on check. It's not always about me.
I stay home for you.
Talking or venting to someone during these rough times has helped me. Blogging right now has helped as well.
Showing and spreading love conquers all during this 24/7 chaos. It's being able to love others, and to be loved by others.
I never met you.
You were my first idol growing up. Because I wasn't born yet when Michael Jordan played in 1984.
You were the reason my 9-year-old self started watching, playing, and loving basketball.
I found out about you from my sister. She turned on the TV. We saw you wearing your Los Angeles Laker uniform.
You introduced me to the game.
I'm taking a break from blogging.
It's not you. It's me.
I'm not here to tell you what to do in life. I make mistakes too.
I've been honest and vulnerable to you since blog entry #1 Where Am I At Now?
I'm not telling you my life is complete. (It's not.) My life will never be complete. (It's impossible.) I'm not trying to seek validation and attention to you. (My ego would be talking if it is.)
I need to suffer in order to learn.
I suffered from losing a sister in 2003. She was my best friend.
My uncle took her life. I hated him. I wished, prayed, and begged for him to die. (He lost his life in 2008. I still couldn't accept my sister's death at the time.)
I learned how to forgive my uncle who lost my sister's life from blogging. It took me 15 years to forgive him.
I had a hallucinatory experience from drugs in 2015. (This will be one of my future blog posts.)
I suffered from the trip. I regretted it at the time. I learned from the experience. It unleashed my fear and paranoia for the first time. Because my ego would protect me from talking about them.
I discovered more about the trip as a meaningful and powerful experience from reading Michael Pollan's book, How to Change Your Mind. The book explained how psychedelic therapy can offer a spiritual experience.
The trip was therapeutic. It defined who I was as a person.
The movie is about an angry journalist being assigned to interview Mister Rogers. And he has to write an article about him.
I remembered Mister Rogers when I was growing up. But I didn't enjoy watching him. I viewed it as a corny, cheesy show. Because I didn't understand what Mister Rogers was explaining.
Before I watched Tom Hanks play Mister Rogers in movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, I read more about the life of Mister Rogers through Wikipedia.
He hosted the preschool TV series, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, from 1968-2001. Mister Rogers passed away in 2003 due to a stomach cancer.
Watching the movie made me understand who Mister Rogers was as a person on and off the camera. He was still himself.
Mister Rogers showed empathy and compassion around others. His motive was to service others, especially children, through his kindness.
I like this lady. She lives an hour away from me. We matched on Facebook Dating. And we have went on three dates. She's a full time student. And she works full time too. We continue to contact each other.
My feelings are talking now.
She won't be able to have any free time to see me for this year. Respect the lady.
My younger-self would blame her. I would assume she doesn't like me. And she's not into me. Then I would second-guess on her. Like it would be her way of saying no to me. I would think something is wrong with her or me.
My knees haven't given up on me yet.
I play pickup basketball for fun.
I still have the speed and quickness. I might have lost one step. Because I'm not getting any younger.
I always like going to my left. It's my strong side. Because I'm a lefty in basketball. (I play tennis with my right hand.)
My younger-self only relied on my drives and passes. These were my strengths.
I never bothered to take a jump shot, even if I were open. Because I wasn't confident. I believed my teammates would hate me. I wanted to impress my teammates with my strengths. I only took jump shots whenever I warmed up.
My younger-self would put rich and famous people on a pedestal.
I needed to find happiness. Because I hated my life.
I assumed whenever I was in stress, I thought I was an abnormal kid.
I envied the rich and famous people. Because I kept dreaming to be like them.
Pursuing and chasing to be rich and famous was my goal to fulfilling my happiness. I believed money would solve everything.
For instance, I idolized NBA legend Kobe Bryant when I was growing up since he was drafted straight from high school as a 17-year-old kid in 1996. (He retired in 2016.) I wanted to be like him. My dream was to follow his footsteps.
I've written 199 blog entries, including this post, since 2016.
I need to continue blogging. It's therapeutic for me. Blogging allows me to be honest and vulnerable.
Last blog entry, My Sex Life, might've been the most difficult to read and process. (I just deleted it. I don't need to be 100% open to you.)
I wasn't concerned and worried about posting it. Because I'm not seeking any validation and attention to others.
"In fact, many people find it extremely difficult to talk about sex; it can be a sensitive and awkward topic that raises feelings fo embarrassment, shame or inadequacy," Matty Silver writes in her article, Why is it so Difficult to Talk about Sex?
To come to think about it. I think I was trying to impress you when I released blog entry, My Sex Life.
The last time I talked to my tennis and basketball coach was on a Tuesday afternoon on October 30, 2018 at 3PST. It has been one year now. (Time goes by fast. It never stops.) His last missed phone call from me was on Wednesday, October 31 at 7:58pm. (My cousin and I were heading to a brewery. We decided to have him join us.)
Coach was reported dead on Sunday, November 4, 2018. He was found laying on his living room floor. I believe he was gone earlier.
The Golden State Warriors have suffered huge losses on their first two games at the start of the NBA season. And it's going to be a long season. I'm used to seeing them play as the juggernaut team for the last 5 years.
They've given us 3 rings since 2014. And they have appeared in the NBA Finals for the last 5 years. The Warriors have won 3 out of the 5 years. (That's 60%. That's impressive.)