I used to have issues with that somebody (and almost everybody). I kept "it" inside me for a long time. Suddenly, I would go berserk at that somebody. Then, I would hold a grudge.
That was my younger-self.
For instance, I held many grudges to my family, friends, and relatives. (Total count was about 10 people. That hatred.)
I held grudges to prove my enemies a point. I assumed that I was (always) right. I ignored them, until they would come to me for an apology as a loser. I wanted to be the winner.
It never happened anyway. The grudges continued to prolong.
On November 4, my tennis and basketball coach was reported dead at his house.
Many people reached out to me. They felt guilty for not saying "goodbye" to him.
"I did not say 'goodbye' to him as well. I was able to come at peace with him from a 3-year grudge," I told them.
Also, I lost my sister unexpectedly, tragically.
"You build relationships every time you encounter people. Life is constantly changing. People come, and go. When you travel, you say goodbye. If you can embrace goodbye, you can become more grateful for the next time you say hello," my good friend told me.
Funny video taken on 9/15/13
We first met at a tennis court in 2006. I was finished hitting with my friends. As they were heading out, you friendly approached me. You talked to me about how you are a private tennis coach, and how you made your two children become great tennis players.
You went on talking as usual. In your wallet, you showed me your precious family photos of you, your wife, daughter, and son. You were always a wonderful storyteller.
You were my tennis coach.
Recently, I lost a loved one, my coach. He died unexpectedly.
(The last time I lost somebody so close to me was my sister in 2003. She died unexpectedly as well.)
I have known him, since 2006. Everything is a rush for me.
He made me become a better basketball, and tennis player.
Now, he's not here anymore. That's new for me. It takes a while to accept that he is gone. I am better now than my previous days.
It is not always easy to say, "Live in the moment,' when your loved one dies. I am human. I have feelings.
Earlier tonight, I was strong enough to open up about my strong relationship with Coach in his vigil service. I feel much better now.
What I said during his vigil service:
I hated funerals. I always avoided talking about death.
You're born, you live, and you die.
When I die, I would like to be cremated. No need to visit, and maintain my gravestone. Most importantly, I wanna save land for the future generation.
My younger-self believed that only the closed "ones" should attend his or her funeral.
For instance, during my sister's funeral, many people were in attendance. I was in shock. I was selfish.
I asked myself, "Were they even close to her? Did they ever talk to her?"
Now, I see funerals differently.