My younger-self would put rich and famous people on a pedestal.
I needed to find happiness. Because I hated my life.
I assumed whenever I was in stress, I thought I was an abnormal kid.
I envied the rich and famous people. Because I kept dreaming to be like them.
Pursuing and chasing to be rich and famous was my goal to fulfilling my happiness. I believed money would solve everything.
For instance, I idolized NBA legend Kobe Bryant when I was growing up since he was drafted straight from high school as a 17-year-old kid in 1996. (He retired in 2016.) I wanted to be like him. My dream was to follow his footsteps.
He was perfect until he was accused from a sexual assault to a 19-year-old woman in 2003. (It could be true or not. No one knows. But him.)
Someone was speculating about it at the time. He told me Bryant paid the woman to remain quiet.
It happened two months after my sister passed away.
Life didn't make sense to me anymore. I wasn't sure what was my purpose in life. I lost a loved one. My childhood idol wasn't who I thought he was.
I couldn't accept my sister's death. I hated Bryant. (It took me a year to accept his mistake or rumor. I needed to process.) I decided to shut myself down from watching basketball for a year too. I didn't get to watch the rookie NBA player LeBron James at the time.
Everything around me went crashing down. It made me question about life.
My younger-self assumed rich and famous people are perfect (and they must remain perfect until they die). I thought they knew it all.
Someone told me to not listen to any celebrities if they opened up about their flaws, mistakes, and weaknesses. Because they would be lying. And they just wanted your attention.
It meant being honest and vulnerable to others isn't an exception.
My younger-self became what I saw and heard. I became paranoid.
NBA player Stephen Curry, and professional tennis player Roger Federer seem to have perfect careers, lives, and personalities. It's rare to see beloved, whole-hearted superstars.
Who can't hate them? If I did hate them, I was jealous.
One day, Curry and Federer can get a mistake. Most people will be surprised. (And the haters will be happy.)
They are human too. They have feelings too.
For instance, professional tennis player Rafael Nadal was rattled by a reporter asking him a foolish question. The reported asked Nadal if his recent marriage from his long-time girlfriend affected his one match losing to Alexander Zverev.
"That's bullshit," he replied to the reporter in one of his comments.
Anger took over Nadal's mind.
I told someone about Nadal's frustration from the reporter. He believed Nadal was wrong. He called it "unethical." Because he is rich and famous. And he should never do anything wrong.
My younger-self would find any type of excuse if I did something wrong.
It's okay. I did wrong. I'm not rich and famous.
"I realized the reason I was living the cliche of money can't buy happiness. Along the way, I had become so myopically focused on this promise I'd made to myself as a kid," Tom Bilyeu talks about finding your purpose in life on Goalcast. "'That I never stopped to ask, 'Why do I want to get rich?' The questions you ask yourself will determine the course of your life."
He continued, "I had been asking myself, 'What do I need to do to get rich?' And it left me really unhappy. So I changed the question, and I started asking, 'What would I do and love every day, even I were failing?'"
"I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer," Actor Jim Carrey quoted.
How did I stop idolizing rich and famous people?
No one is perfect. I realized comparing others made me feel better. It was unhealthy.
I observe others (such as anyone or everyone). I understand them. I listen to them. And I learn from them. I have tolerance. The shared stories from others can inspire or motivate me.
I've written 199 blog entries, including this post, since 2016.
I need to continue blogging. It's therapeutic for me. Blogging allows me to be honest and vulnerable.
Last blog entry, My Sex Life, might've been the most difficult to read and process.
I wasn't concerned and worried about posting it. Because I'm not seeking any validation and attention to others.
"In fact, many people find it extremely difficult to talk about sex; it can be a sensitive and awkward topic that raises feelings fo embarrassment, shame or inadequacy," Matty Silver writes in her article, Why is it so Difficult to Talk about Sex?
To come to think about it. I think I was trying to impress you when I released blog entry, My Sex Life.
I'm comfortable with my sexuality.
I like sex.
My younger-self wouldn't open to you about my sexuality. Because I would get embarrassed or be shamed by others.
Society and anxiety would say: "You are too much. You are thirsty. You are horny."
And it would stop me from being honest and vulnerable. Say what you want. It's impossible to please everyone.