... and I went for the kiss.
I used to have issues with that somebody (and almost everybody). I kept "it" inside me for a long time. Suddenly, I would go berserk at that somebody. Then, I would hold a grudge.
That was my younger-self.
For instance, I held many grudges to my family, friends, and relatives. (Total count was about 10 people. That hatred.)
I held grudges to prove my enemies a point. I assumed that I was (always) right. I ignored them, until they would come to me for an apology as a loser. I wanted to be the winner.
It never happened anyway. The grudges continued to prolong.
On November 4, my tennis and basketball coach was reported dead at his house.
Many people reached out to me. They felt guilty for not saying "goodbye" to him.
"I did not say 'goodbye' to him as well. I was able to come at peace with him from a 3-year grudge," I told them.
Also, I lost my sister unexpectedly, tragically.
"You build relationships every time you encounter people. Life is constantly changing. People come, and go. When you travel, you say goodbye. If you can embrace goodbye, you can become more grateful for the next time you say hello," my good friend told me.
Funny video taken on 9/15/13
We first met at a tennis court in 2006. I was finished hitting with my friends. As they were heading out, you friendly approached me. You talked to me about how you are a private tennis coach, and how you made your two children become great tennis players.
You went on talking as usual. In your wallet, you showed me your precious family photos of you, your wife, daughter, and son. You were always a wonderful storyteller.
You were my tennis coach.
Recently, I lost a loved one, my coach. He died unexpectedly.
(The last time I lost somebody so close to me was my sister in 2003. She died unexpectedly as well.)
I have known him, since 2006. Everything is a rush for me.
He made me become a better basketball, and tennis player.
Now, he's not here anymore. That's new for me. It takes a while to accept that he is gone. I am better now than my previous days.
It is not always easy to say, "Live in the moment,' when your loved one dies. I am human. I have feelings.
Earlier tonight, I was strong enough to open up about my strong relationship with Coach in his vigil service. I feel much better now.
What I said during his vigil service:
I hated funerals. I always avoided talking about death.
You're born, you live, and you die.
When I die, I would like to be cremated. No need to visit, and maintain my gravestone. Most importantly, I wanna save land for the future generation.
My younger-self believed that only the closed "ones" should attend his or her funeral.
For instance, during my sister's funeral, many people were in attendance. I was in shock. I was selfish.
I asked myself, "Were they even close to her? Did they ever talk to her?"
Now, I see funerals differently.
the state or custom of being married to one person at a time, or of having only one mate at a time
I am 31 years old. So far, I only had one girlfriend.
(We dated for about 6-8 months. I was in my early 20s. We were good friends for 3-4 years before that. It took me a while to ask her out at that time. I was afraid of rejection. Also, I did not want to lose her friendship.)
The relationship with my girlfriend at that time was very exciting. I learned a lot from her. Almost everything with her was new for me, such as traveling together to Washington DC, and many more.
(Before her, I struggled in meeting women. I had extreme social anxiety around women.)
Our relationship ended in good terms. I was young. I wanted to explore more women. I have been single for a while. (So far, I have learned a lot from dating.)
Stories of monogamy relationships from people I either have heard or seen:
I am at peace. I have a clean heart.
This is a huge challenge.
Things will not go my way.
For instance, a few nights ago, I was bit of annoyed at a music festival. My good friend and I stood in front of our big, concrete chairs. It was more visible to stand than sit.
Latecomers walked in. (It is bound to happen. You wanna come closer to see your artist.)
Anger is fine as long as it does not control you.
Here is a list of anger possibly taking over you:
I am not a politician. I am not forcing you to change. It is tough to change. It took me a while.
To this day, I am trying to change (and learn.) It takes me a while.
When I was younger, I used to hate reading and writing. Now, I enjoy it. (I started on this blog, since a year ago or so.)
I used to be afraid in talking to anybody, especially women. Now, I can talk to almost anybody. (During my solo travel in China, I bonded with a 50-year-old man from Belgium, and a 67-year-old woman from the UK).
Heck, my sister died in 2003. I had no idea that I was gonna progress.
People can change.
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