"Pleasure is short-term, addictive and selfish. It's taken, not given. It works on dopamine," Seth Godin writes in his blog entry, The pleasure/happiness gap. "Happiness is long-term, additive and generous. It's giving, not taking. It works on serotonin."
My younger-self would be confused with pleasure and happiness. I thought they were related.
Then I was always seeking and wishing for pleasure than happiness. I believed it would fulfill me. And I was aiming to please myself, and especially, others.
I wanted to be known. My desire was to be better than you. My goal was to be the happiest guy in the world. Because I thought it would cure me from everything.
My younger-self wasn't able to resolve any of my problems or mistakes.
I kept dreaming and relying for a pretty wife and cute children, a luxury car, a mansion, and a high-paying job. Because I needed an escape from life. I was waiting for a final destination.
This was pleasure. My younger-self assumed it was happiness.
My happiness is:
I'm single. And I'm okay with it.
I'm a man seeking a woman.
I've been on dates. And I'm for it. (Because I'm still single.)
Each woman I've met or approached is different in their own way.
My sister passed away on May 17, 2003. I chose to be alone. Because I was ashamed and embarrassed by others from my uncle losing my sister's life. I did not want to become attached to others. Because I would feel the pain and agony again once they die. I was better off to be alone.
My younger-self wanted others to judge me. I thought I deserved it. I assumed choosing to be alone was weird.
For instance, I was frightened to go to high school prom alone since I couldn't ask any girl out. Because of my severe anxiety.
And I felt lonely. Because I lost a best friend too. I was isolated from the world. I was a useless person from losing a sister. I had no sense of purpose in life anymore. I had thoughts of committing suicide. But I chose not to do it. Because I didn't want to hurt others more.
I hoped and wished I'll die one day. I prayed to God to take my life. I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't able to accept my sister's death.
I posted an old blog entry, The Game is in my Blood, on February 12, 2018.
It's about picking up women too.
But this is the updated version of it. Because I have grown and evolved from meeting women.
I have always been nice to girls throughout my life. But I never expressed my feelings to them right away.
They never came to me.
My 26-year-old self decided to learn how to pick up women in 2012.
Because I felt isolated from the world. And I thought being single was abnormal.
"You're not actually connected with yourself," Sasha talks in his 5-minute YouTube video shown below. "You're not in alignment with who you are. You're not clear about what you want. You're just confused and lost. And you’re horny."
I need money in order to live and survive.
I was told to study and work hard. And money will come to me.
I graduated from Sonoma State University with a BS degree in Environmental Studies. I do not want to pursue it.
I have worked multiple part-time jobs throughout my life. I have never experienced working any type of full-time job. My younger-self would be embarrassed and ashamed about it. Because of society. And a full-time job provides benefits.
I like to work in an efficient way (to the point where I don't need 40 hours a week). I stay healthy. I'll start investing in my money once I reach a good amount of capital. And benefits from a full-time job won't be needed.
I was told to get a girl. You need money. You must impress her.
Life is an up and down journey.
I have no idea whatever comes my way will ever be right.
My younger-self assumed I knew everything. Then I would hit a downward spiral. My depression and anxiety would kick in. I tried to forget about my mental health crisis. Because I was told to always be optimistic in life. But it would be impossible. I never wanted to acknowledge, realize, and accept my flaws and weaknesses. Because of my huge ego too.
I started to sell used material goods through FaceBook Marketplace since last November.
I like to connect with my buyer as well. I try to satisfy my buyer on the purchased product.
"If you are dissatisfied, you can get return it with a full refund," I tell my buyer.
I began to declutter at this time too.
I learned how to declutter from watching Netflix documentary, Minimalism. And reading Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. And reading Greg McKeown's book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less.
I continue to find more sources in decluttering. Because I like to keep learning.
My way of decluttering is choosing to either donate, sell, recycle, or junk items.
Decluttering and selling gave me an idea to start on a business.
I offer two options to my client.
A friend from Texas visited me this past week.
Her name is Aniecia.
She's a sexy, attractive lady. And I was the first to call her as the X-Men superhero character, Storm. She does look like her.
She recently started this new look.
"You're a hot chocolate. And I'm melting right away," I told her.
I was told to never a chase a woman taller than me. And I was told to always go for a light-skin woman.
Back in my elementary school days, I was surrounded by mostly Filipinos. And back in my Sonoma State University days, I was surrounded by mostly Whites.
She is an Ethiopian mix standing at 5'7. While I'm only 5'5.
I approached her 5 years ago in Vegas. And she was with a group of friends. She was turning 18 in two days at the time. She decided to round off her age. And tell me she was 18.
I used to expect more from only a first date. I assumed it will be the best to remember if I ever have a deeper relationship with her. My young-self's mind was always dwelling in the past and overseeing the future.
My first so-called date was with Janine.
I assumed it was a date in my mind. I was jumping for joy when she said yes.
I was 16 years old at the time. This was a month after my sister passed away. I was grieving and mourning. I needed someone to comfort me. And I experimented it.
She was a year older than me. She picked me up from my house. I was awkward about it. Because she's driving. But I realized I don't have a drivers' license yet. We went together to see a romantic comedy movie, Alex and Emma.
I was overthinking during the so-called date. My anxiety kicked in. It was more of a meetup.