I wrote an old blog entry, Respect the Lady, on June 27, 2017. I decide to write an updated version.
Here are ways I start communicating with a lady:
Then I would receive no word from the lady. Or she would tell me she has a boyfriend, or she's not interested.
It gets frustrating and disappointing. But it's understanding. It's good to know I tried at least. I will never know unless I try.
For instance, I approached a lady named Tara today at Apple store. (I had a scheduled appointment for my broken iPhone.) I asked her out for lunch. She wasn't able to. Because she is taken.
My younger-self would assume she has given me a type of defensive mechanism. I would overthink the situation. My anxiety and insecurity would kick in.
"She doesn't have a boyfriend," my younger-self would tell myself. "She says it. So I can back off."
"I respect you. You have a lucky man," I told Tara. "I can't force you to like me."
Tara met her man from school. He expressed his feelings to her in Spanish. She couldn't understand him. Because she can only speak and understand English. It was 3 months during their friendship. A month later, Tara realized he was into her.
She told me you'll only know if you try. She was glad her man initiated it.
Tara believed I will find a lady one day.
11 years ago, I dated my first (and only) girlfriend for about 8 months. I've been single for a long time. But it has taught me to enjoy it. I have more freedom. I can take risks. I can stop and process about life. I can scope and observe others. And what's around me. I write more about it in one of my old blog entries, Being Alone and Feeling Lonely.
I must realize I can only go with what I can control. I can't force the lady to like me.
My younger-self would think respecting the lady would be a coward way. She turned me down. She ignored me. I assumed I was the winner while she is the loser. Because I was hurt.
I'm the one to chase a lady at first. Although I can't keep chasing her if she's not interested in me. I have to respect her.
For instance, I like everything about this lady. She blogs, travels, explores, writes, meditates, podcasts, and she practices and teaches yoga. I found a picture of her through my sister's planner from her elementary school. I was able to find the lady in Instagram.
(My friends would be entertained or intrigued by how I'm able to find women in social media. I discovered some hidden features in social media too.)
Then, I slid into her DM.
We were exchanging messages. We became more interested to each other. Because of the art of curiosity. I was excited.
I like to ask a lady for a meetup or date right away. Because I prefer to get to know her more through a face-to-face conversation and connection than an instant message. But this lady lives far away from me. (Although she lived most of her life in the Bay Area before.)
We were typing back and forth.
"I'll stop the typing. It's a lot," I messaged her. "Would you like to video call instead?"
She laughed. And she wouldn't prefer to video call. Because she has never FaceTimed someone before who she hasn't met. (I never met her before. I just knew of her. We went to a small elementary school together. I'm 2 years older than her.)
She apologized to me. Because she stopped responding. She admitted she would sometimes shut people off. She believed I was interested to meet her for a date. She chooses not to date right now.
My younger-self would see her as a villain.
"It's okay. I understand. I bet you get many dudes flirting with you. You are forgiven. I'm not mad at you," I messaged her. "Otherwise, I would've blocked you from IG. But that's hella high school haha. Thank you for your honesty. I admit it. I do like everything about you. I did slide into the DM to meet you. But I can't force or rush you to like me. It's not a movie. My younger-self would shut off women if they didn't want to date me. Because I didn't want to waste my time. And I was butt hurt. And I had a huge ego too. Respect the lady. I respect you. And I'm making adjustments."
"Pick-up" would be against this long message to a lady.
It would teach me one goal at the time: To impress and trick a lady into seduction.
It never taught me to be honest and vulnerable.
Pick-up did teach me to take risks by approaching the most beautiful woman. It has given me a social skill. I can get along with anyone. I ask and listen.
I continue to respect the lady.
I talk to her. I'm honest with her. I express my feelings to her. I shall see how it goes. Again I can't force her to like me. I respect her.
"Respect the Lady 3" will be released some time in a year from now.