78) Losing A Loved One

​14 years ago, my sister passed away on a Saturday night.

My family from San Diego visited us on that weekend. I will not be too specific on how my sister died. (It is very hurtful.) Again, she died tragically (and unexpectedly). I did not witness her death at all. It always makes me wonder what if I was with her.

Where were you at the time?

I stayed home entertaining my cousins from San Diego. We were watching movies together.

My sister tagged along with parents. My family took grandparents (from San Diego) to visit my Uncle and Auntie. I could have went with them. My sister asked me, "You wanna go?"

You never know when, how, and where you will die; unless, you commit suicide.

Most people do not like to talk about death.

Why, so? Because nobody wants to die. We are going to die eventually. (Read between the lines.) You can never avoid death.

Obviously, losing a loved one is the most toughest part to deal with. For instance, one of my tennis kids quit tennis because his uncle passed away. Also, another one of my tennis kids lost a 2-year old sister from drowning by accident.
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​Most importantly, death brings everybody together. Show your presence (and respect) for your loved one. Remember your moments together. For instance, yesterday, my boss lost a loved one so she is flying to South Africa. Also, on the day of my sister's funeral, unexpected people were present. (It was packed.)

Again, I am going off tangent. I will go back to my sister's death.

How did you know she passed away? My dad called me on that Saturday night, May 17, 2003.

He said, "Son, your sister is gone." (It happened somewhere around 11:50pm.) I did not fully understand what was going on. Then, he said, "Your sister is dead." (I was still in denial.)

​I hung up the phone, then I passed the message down to my cousins. They could not believe it as well. Then, I went straight to my parent's room.

Why, so? Because they have an altar in room. I prayed for my sister. (Currently, an altar or shrine is in living room. My mom set it up in remembrance of my sister.)

2 hours later, my parents arrived home. My dad cried and gave me a hug. Then, he said, "Your sister is dead."

When I lost my sister, I was:

- in Mourning (I was always in tears. I never cared about my surroundings. I always walked with my head down, while I wear my black clothes.)
- in Denial (I could not accept her death. Every night, I dreamed of my sister. Even though I only slept 3-4 hours every night, I had to sleep so I can visit her.)
- in Anger (I asked myself, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" It should have been me to die instead.)
- Lonely (I wanted space. It was difficult to open up. I was better off being alone. I kept it all inside.)
- Depressed (I was drained mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I was not able to function at all. I stopped watching basketball for one year. Every day, I rarely ate.)

Yes, I had intentions of committing suicide. What stopped you? I did not want my family, relatives, friends, and loved ones to feel the same way, like myself.

​I do not remember exactly when I accepted my sister's death. (Obviously, it took a while.) At 16 years old, it was my first time to lose a loved one.

Rest In Peace, Sister.