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My knees haven't given up on me yet.
I play pickup basketball for fun. I still have the speed and quickness. I might have lost one step. Because I'm not getting any younger. I always like going to my left. It's my strong side. Because I'm a lefty in basketball. (I play tennis with my right hand.) My younger-self only relied on my drives and passes. These were my strengths. I never bothered to take a jump shot, even if I were open. Because I wasn't confident. I believed my teammates would hate me. I wanted to impress my teammates with my strengths. I only took jump shots whenever I warmed up.  Wetlands Viewing Area and Napa River Bay Trail, American Canyon, California. My younger-self would put rich and famous people on a pedestal.
I needed to find happiness. Because I hated my life. I assumed whenever I was in stress, I thought I was an abnormal kid. I envied the rich and famous people. Because I kept dreaming to be like them. Pursuing and chasing to be rich and famous was my goal to fulfilling my happiness. I believed money would solve everything. For instance, I idolized NBA legend Kobe Bryant when I was growing up since he was drafted straight from high school as a 17-year-old kid in 1996. (He retired in 2016.) I wanted to be like him. My dream was to follow his footsteps.  My sister's ballet class was finished. I grabbed her rose. My 4-year-old self was happy to see her. Photo taken in 1991. I've written 199 blog entries, including this post, since 2016.
I need to continue blogging. It's therapeutic for me. Blogging allows me to be honest and vulnerable. Last blog entry, My Sex Life, might've been the most difficult to read and process. (I just deleted it. I don't need to be 100% open to you.) I wasn't concerned and worried about posting it. Because I'm not seeking any validation and attention to others. "In fact, many people find it extremely difficult to talk about sex; it can be a sensitive and awkward topic that raises feelings fo embarrassment, shame or inadequacy," Matty Silver writes in her article, Why is it so Difficult to Talk about Sex? To come to think about it. I think I was trying to impress you when I released blog entry, My Sex Life. |
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