 Golden Gate Bridge behind me I'm taking a break from blogging.
It's not you. It's me. I'm not here to tell you what to do in life. I make mistakes too. I've been honest and vulnerable to you since blog entry #1 Where Am I At Now? I'm not telling you my life is complete. (It's not.) My life will never be complete. (It's impossible.) I'm not trying to seek validation and attention to you. (My ego would be talking if it is.)  My 4-year-old self with sister in Florida. Taken in August 1991. I think I was upset. I wasn't in the mood for a picture. I need to suffer in order to learn.
I suffered from losing a sister in 2003. She was my best friend. My uncle took her life. I hated him. I wished, prayed, and begged for him to die. (He lost his life in 2008. I still couldn't accept my sister's death at the time.) I learned how to forgive my uncle who lost my sister's life from blogging. It took me 15 years to forgive him. I had a hallucinatory experience from drugs in 2015. (This will be one of my future blog posts.) I suffered from the trip. I regretted it at the time. I learned from the experience. It unleashed my fear and paranoia for the first time. Because my ego would protect me from talking about them. I discovered more about the trip as a meaningful and powerful experience from reading Michael Pollan's book, How to Change Your Mind. The book explained how psychedelic therapy can offer a spiritual experience. The trip was therapeutic. It defined who I was as a person.  Tom Hanks plays Mister Rogers. The movie is about an angry journalist being assigned to interview Mister Rogers. And he has to write an article about him.
I remembered Mister Rogers when I was growing up. But I didn't enjoy watching him. I viewed it as a corny, cheesy show. Because I didn't understand what Mister Rogers was explaining. Before I watched Tom Hanks play Mister Rogers in movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, I read more about the life of Mister Rogers through Wikipedia. He hosted the preschool TV series, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, from 1968-2001. Mister Rogers passed away in 2003 due to a stomach cancer. Watching the movie made me understand who Mister Rogers was as a person on and off the camera. He was still himself. Mister Rogers showed empathy and compassion around others. His motive was to service others, especially children, through his kindness. I like this lady. She lives an hour away from me. We matched on Facebook Dating. And we have went on three dates. She's a full time student. And she works full time too. We continue to contact each other.
My feelings are talking now. She won't be able to have any free time to see me for this year. Respect the lady. My younger-self would blame her. I would assume she doesn't like me. And she's not into me. Then I would second-guess on her. Like it would be her way of saying no to me. I would think something is wrong with her or me. |
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